Thursday, May 04, 2006

Back in Feisty mode

I'm finding myself returning to a feisty determined mode of thinking, and probably having less pain, and feeling more energetic is part of the reason why I am.

I am starting my day with a good meditation, some simple stretches and generally filling my head with 'go get em' ideas, and that must be a good thing.

I'm ornery at times, but I think that's a good thing. Ornery just means I'm fighting mad, and fighting mad is fighting mode.

The people in my building are driving me nuts. As you may or may not know, it's a 10 story building with a lot of weirdos, and I just can't stand them. Some are nutty, literally, I think there are schizophrenic people here, they look like bag ladies, and at any given time I may enter the elevator to find 5 or 6 people talking, gyrating, pushing grocery carts, wheeling other carts or carriers of some kind, and there's literallly one lady who spins and weaves and speaks gibberish. I also had to endure standing next to 2 guys talking loudly about how they would shoot the cops first if they cops tried to shoot them. A more humorous event last Saturday, on a beautiful sunny day, was witnessing several people singing....accompanyied by guitar and harmonia...... singing...... Christmas Carols. Yep, I'm not kidding.

What I have had to come to. Living in f***ing public housing, after having worked my ass off all my life, and having the misfortune to lose everything due to the diagnosis of cancer.

My specific apartment is very nice. The building itself is nice. It is kept very clean, and the grounds are beautiful and immaculate. It's just the weirdos. (me included?) I am locked in here til October, and there is a nicer place nearer to Jill's house that I can move into...and the other day I called to check on my status there, because shortly after I moved here I was put on a hold list there....well, guess what....they have lost all record of my applying there, so I have to start all over again. After October I can move any time I want to. I just wish I could move to a normal apartment where you have your own entrance and exit, you are subjected to the comings and goings of 10 floors of people milling about.... people standing, sitting, smoking, loitering in front of the building watching your every move, commenting on your comings and goings, and generally staring at you. There are a handful of ok people, but truly, for the most part, they are weird, weird, weird.

WHY did this have to happen???? UGHHHHH!!!!!!

(here the ornery coming out?)

ok, so tomorrow is Alimta day, and I'm up for it.


At 10:55 AM, Anonymous Patrick said...

Hi Lynne,

When you describe your living situation, is public housing another way of saying government subsidized? I hope you attain the freedom you need come October. Anything you find would be a vast improvement over your current environment. Are you able to get around comfortably in your complex, taking into consideration your disabilities?
I have to compliment you on the usefullness of the information you're conveying here. Most blogs are three quarters naval gazing while yours contains more substantial items of use. I came across the link to your blog via a link at kid sis in hollywood's blog and just wanted to drop you a line letting you know that I know how you feel. I come into frequent contact with every member of society described by Edie McClurg's secretary character in Ferris Bueller's Day Off- and more. My apartment complex is located between a declining middle class suburb and a trailer park. I would almost swear to you that the rental office caters to people unable to afford the rent on a crack house. These are two level buildings with such a wicked echo that music played at already ungodly high decibal levels could be heard by Helen Keller. The kids scream conversations across the span of the complex. And things only get worse once you utilize our local public transportation system. One of the bus drivers told me that one of the antagonistic passengers was a convicted child molester with a hatred for other men. I wondered if this guy, in his twisted thinking, saw me as competition.
I'm glad you feel a bit more ready to take on the world after all that you've gone through. I wish you the best.



At 11:02 AM, Blogger Lynda said...

Lynne, I think you are such a positive person. Even when you point out the shortcomings of the place you are in, you still say the grounds are immaculate and it is clean.

It definately is not fair that you have to live in public housing, especially with the weirdos. I hope the schizophrenics are at least medicated. I will keep my fingers crossed and say a prayer that you get better accomodations in October.

I wish I could answer why this happens to you. You are such a good person, and I am glad you found me through the Mom's Cancer blog. All I can say is everything happens for a reason, even if we don't see it right away. I hope you stay onery!

At 7:52 PM, Blogger Lynne said...

Yes, Patrick, subsidized housing. It's really a fine place, the apartment is actually very cute, but the people do make me a bit crazy at times. It's just overwhelming and very stressful. I have enough to handle in my personal life without having to deal with unpleasant people and there are simply a LOT of people in general and it is bothersome.

it's the added drama to my life that cancer along did not add. I've got more drama than I want, that's for sure.

Thank you for the note, I am glad you found me through Sis in H.

At 7:53 PM, Blogger Lynne said...

and Lynda, the grounds are immaculate, and the building very nice, I'm ashamed it's the humanity that I have a problem with...

oh no, not another reason for me to look inside myself!!!!


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