Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Do What You Love

I actually think I'm doing pretty great. I know I have expressed the moments when I've been downbeat (being the opposite of upbeat, but may not actually be a real word). Particularly when receiving discouraging news, but as I said at the time, I take the information, get mad, terrifed, sad, and all the other emotions that you would expect, then begin to process it, and find a way to move forward. I'm good at that. It takes some time, and I let it take whatever time it needs to come to that place. But I do it. And I don't pretend nothing is wrong, I just get on with things. I miraculously (even I think it's amazing sometimes) find a place to be positive and give my body the message that I'm alive.

I've been very busy working on my book manuscript, and all the illustrations that are going into it. It is a great focus for me, because it looks to the future. I'm going to make a book. I will see it finished. I am planning for the future. It's a vital part of dealing with a serious health crisis. I actually believe that the mind/body connection is of critical importance.

I only have so much control of my situation, but if I can look forward, my body hears that message and responds accordingly.

I've written about having to deal with pain in recent months, and that has been very, very difficult, and continues to be an issue. I've been forced to sit quietly and that is not easy for someone like me who is very energetic, and has always been on the move and on the go. It's been humbling (not that I like that part of it), and I have been forced to slow down, do a lot of thinking, and learn patience. (still learning)

Each step in the process is something to learn. I had to learn to BE. To just breathe. I've struggled with feeling the need to be doing something important. To not be idle. But taking care of myself, in resting, in healing, is not being idle, and that has taken awhile for me to grasp.

I'm still working on figuring out why I was born...why did my life take the paths it did....what am I supposed to be learning...

or is it not that big? Maybe it just is what it is.

In any event, I'm doing very well. I'm almost finished with the book, and an idea is formulating for another one. I've got paintings I want to make, and things I want to do, and I'm just moving forward and taking each step. It doesn't really matter if the book is published, it matters that I had an idea, I created something, and I try. I've been told by a friend, in the past, that trying to do artwork to make money is not that great an idea.... that I would have been better off (when I was healthy) to work at Burger King and just make some cash. But that's wrong. It does not, did not, could not satisfy the need for self-fulfillment.

That's more important by far than the minimum wage I would have earned doing some stupid job. Nothing wrong with BK if that's where you are, and that's what you need to do.....I'm just saying that to be given the advice that my creativity isn't important enough to feed, and that logging the hours and cashing a small check would be more beneficial to my life, was just plain wrong. When I was given this advice I was very hurt, and felt put down. I realize this person did not understand me or want to think I had enough intelligence or talent to be successful. I hope this kind of advice isn't passed to their children. Work hard, yes, and be humble when needed, but it's ok to stretch and try for something that you might be successful at, and that would give you a feeling of satisfaction. Someone gets to write kid's books, right? Some people succeed.....why not me?

long rant, but the message is:

do what you love, and encourage others to do the same


At 3:55 PM, Blogger Lynda said...

That is excellent advice. It is easy to get caught up in doing what we "have" to do.


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