Monday, August 15, 2005

Time, time, time...what has become of me?

While I look around for my possibilities! (think music)

I haven't written in a while. I'm still stuck in disability nowhere. I'm living out of a room at my daughter and son-in-law's house (by their generous graces), with my 2 dogs and cat. Doing my painting on their screened-in-porch when the weather isn't too hot, looking for a part time job so I can get a real apartment. I looked into true subsidized housing, and it is so bad I would rather BE dead than live in it. I don't want to find other homes for my animals so I can live in the apartments for low-income people (yeah, that's me...low iincome after working my ass off my whole life being a mother, going back for a college degree, becoming a designer, finding a great job in agreat town...CANCER stole it all away from me.) If I don't have dogs, I have found low-income housiing I can apply for, and have even scouted around for homes for the dogs....

but the fact of the matter is that this all sucks. I am so tired of being a cancer patient. I can't even revel in the fact that I've been doing well for the last 3 months, the stress of not having a home to call my own and feeling like a big drain on my family.

Yeah, Brian ( cancer happens to the whole family. They are all loving and helpful, but I feel in the way and a burden. I bet Mom feels that way sometimes too.

I want a big magic wand to wave over my head and fix it all.

I'm in a bad mood this afternoon.


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