Monday, August 22, 2005

Free falling

hoping that someone will catch me

Trying to find part time work in a college town. Not exactly working for a 53 year old disabled woman. I am willing to work, have professional graphic design skills, and can't find a thing.

Anyone need any graphic work done? I'm freelancing.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Hang onto your hopes my friend

I'm doing my best to hang onto my hopes, trying not to dwell on the negative, trying to listen to the goodness in my life, and not fear what may be.

I am not sure I'm doing as well as I was a few months ago. I feel more pressure in my chest and have a few more achy areas of bone. It's frightening, but I am told not to dwell on fear or anger...

Well, I think being fearful and angry I have metastatic cancer is perfectly reasonable. I'd be a mighty strange individual if I wasn't.

I care about my life, and want to live long and healthy.

Today I am out of money for the month, and it's only the 18th. I can't live on the pittance I receive in disability. I don't even buy anything. This week I am supposed to travel 150 miles to attend a wedding shower, but I can't, because I have no gas money and my pets need a vet visit.

I am going to have to find homes for my dogs, because I can't afford the proper vet care, and that is not fair to them. They are loving, wonderful dogs and deserve the best of care, and the happiest life.

Today is a bit of a struggle
But I will do my yoga, and some meditation and get on with it.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

I look around, the grass is high, the fields are ripe...

it's the springtime of my life. (same song)

Today, August 17th is my birthday. Not the day I was born, but the day I was reborn as a Survivor. (no religious message here) It was one year ago today that I heard the most terrifying words ever said to me. "you have lung cancer". I heard, dropped the phone, and fell apart.
It was days or weeks before I picked up the book Love, Medicine, & Miracles, by Bernie Siegel, MD, and I read of hope and read stories of others who had thrived beyond the dire predictions, and even survived when they were told they had little time.

Some days since then have been hell, some have been tolerable, and some have been very good. I've grown, learned, met people I wouldn't have met, discovered a strength I didn't know i had, and learned the lesson of true humility. I know who my friends are, I learned who around me has courage, and learned that many people love me. That may be the biggest lesson of all.

Some days now are still difficult, I'm on a new drug that is so far working, and I am looking ahead to more years of survival.

Won't you stop and remember me?

Monday, August 15, 2005

Time, time, time...what has become of me?

While I look around for my possibilities! (think music)

I haven't written in a while. I'm still stuck in disability nowhere. I'm living out of a room at my daughter and son-in-law's house (by their generous graces), with my 2 dogs and cat. Doing my painting on their screened-in-porch when the weather isn't too hot, looking for a part time job so I can get a real apartment. I looked into true subsidized housing, and it is so bad I would rather BE dead than live in it. I don't want to find other homes for my animals so I can live in the apartments for low-income people (yeah, that's me...low iincome after working my ass off my whole life being a mother, going back for a college degree, becoming a designer, finding a great job in agreat town...CANCER stole it all away from me.) If I don't have dogs, I have found low-income housiing I can apply for, and have even scouted around for homes for the dogs....

but the fact of the matter is that this all sucks. I am so tired of being a cancer patient. I can't even revel in the fact that I've been doing well for the last 3 months, the stress of not having a home to call my own and feeling like a big drain on my family.

Yeah, Brian (www.momscancer.com) cancer happens to the whole family. They are all loving and helpful, but I feel in the way and a burden. I bet Mom feels that way sometimes too.

I want a big magic wand to wave over my head and fix it all.

I'm in a bad mood this afternoon.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

NewLeaf-Artworks

http://newleaf-artworks.blogspot.com/

change to Newleaf address to replace old address that looked like fartworks

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Coffee Kiss


Coffee Kiss
Originally uploaded by lynnegr8t.
Original digital art created by scanning three dimensional items, layering and manipulating them in Photoshop.

GraphicFloralB3


GraphicFloralB3
Originally uploaded by lynnegr8t.

Katie


Katie
Originally uploaded by lynnegr8t.

Alex


Alex
Originally uploaded by lynnegr8t.

Eathel Anna May Chase (White)


Eathel Anna May Chase (White)
Originally uploaded by lynnegr8t.

Speaking of art...

I've been spending alot of time painting. Some decorative florals, and some portraits. The portraits are what I'm having the most fun doing at the moment. I have always had an interest in portraiture, and done a few, but have set out to become Good at it. I've done a few practice paints recently.

I'm going to post photos of recent paintings. Please go to: http://newleafartworks.blogspot.com/

You will find examples of some of the things I've done recently. If interested in a painting, please let me know. They are for sale, and will take jobs on commission. Enquire within.